I do have a few things to say besides "FUCK YOU" and since you persist I will go ahead and play this game--
I don't miss you anymore, because I spent so many hours within our relationship missing you and telling you I missed you, and you never reaching out to me and helping me in that process. You, so many times, kept at bay, why would I really miss that now? After all, it is just now that you are remembering that we had some really important and wonderful times. I had already mourned for our relationship before it was over. I cried in private because, the one time I tried to open up and reconnect with you you pushed everything we had over the cliff, and I spent the next week realizing I was powerless. I couldn't cry in front of you because you were four hours away. I told you I was crying and you did nothing. You didn't even try to fight for us, or for the love we, or I should say I, had.
And, I did cry in front of you many times as I was leaving you house, or you were leaving mine because I knew it would be a while before I saw you again.
When you left it was almost like a relief. A relief that I would never have to worry about whether or not I was doing the right thing, or saying the right thing, or believing the right thing since you tended to judge everything thing that I did. I was never good enough for you just as I was. When we first started dating you admitted you didn't even like me as a friend when we first meet. You had to force yourself to tell me you loved me? I never once had to force myself to say "I love you." It was always a joy to tell the man I believed and cared about so much, to a point that I was really to move to be closer to him, that I loved him.
Why would I miss you? Why would I miss that? How can I miss someone who had to force themselves to say they loved me, who at times had to force themselves to kiss me? Why would I miss someone who lied to me over and over again? I never lied to you.
There have been a few times I have missed you. Sid was having a very male problem and you were the one I would turn to to ask for the advice (Thank goodness for Craig and Bjorn who both have been here for me the last two weeks and were able to help Sid) and I missed some other small things, but I see no reason to sit around and dwell on it. It is counterproductive.
As for deleting everything, I did this for my own sanity. I don't need to see these things and constantly go back through them over and over again. It makes me feel bad.
I've spent enough of my life feeling bad. I just don't need to do it anymore.
