It tends to happen when you least except it to is what I have found in my own life and patterns.

Tonight I thought I would just meet my friend Cody out for a drink and we would talk about his troubles and my own not really explainable happiness at this moment. We decided to meet at the Vagabond but as usual I was running late, mainly because I was drinking a glass of wine with Mara as she was a but shaken from running into her ex-boyfriend Nathan. I walked in to the bar/coffee shop in high spirits and the first person I saw was my own ex-boyfriend who just also happens to be named Nathan.

Our eyes meet and I am still wondering about the look on my face. I knew that running into over the holidays was a possibility but since it hadn't happened yet I had almost ruled it out, but there he was and I really didn't know what to do. I didn't really want to leave. I like the Vagabond. It's a nice place to be and they have a decent wine list, but I also really didn't want to be there at all, but didn't want it to seem I was leaving because he was there as that just looks weak and I am not weak in fact I am really over him. I have been for a while now. What I can't deny is that I did in fact care for him deeply, and perhaps it is good that I realize this one fact. In some ways in makes the whole experience worth it. It once again shows me that I do know what it takes to truly love. And, it will always be sad that he was unable to love and accept love back. Now more than ever I just feel sort of sorry for him. When Cody asked if I wanted to leave and go to Lucky's I felt like my leaving would allow him to be more comfortable and enjoy his own friends which than later showed up without him to Lucky's and I was able to catch up with them on my own terms without them looking over at Nathan to make sure we were all OK. Because, in the end, I am OK. I have and am moving on with my own life and feeling good about it as I do the things I am doing.

Now, I am listening to the latest mix I am composing for Bjorn. As of the second song I am thinking it will be a smash hit.