And, today I think there has been four maybe five times that I have really wanted to smoke. It seems that the first time comes later and later in the day, but than sort of nags at me till bed. I am 8 days totally smoke free and I have stopped talking the Chantix, not because I'm out of it, but I'm not real sure that I need it anymore. It is nice though to have a couple on hand for back up and emergencies. I was thinking about how many more days I will count before I no longer need to count the days from when I started. When it will not be as important enough to keep track of anymore and therefore not really matter. I have noticed that my mood is improving.
I am not as grumpy as I was a week ago, and I am not snapping at Sid as much. I was in a very playful mood with him earlier, and maybe I even embarrassed him a little bit in front of his friend Gabe, but he's a good sport about these things. He was laughing after we dropped off Gabe and joked around with me a bit. I'm glad he's home I really missed him yesterday.
Tomorrow I go back to work. It feels odd to be going back after such a long break but I am also really ready to get started and be another semester closer to being done with my masters. I have no real idea where I will be a year from now but I sort of like the not knowing. The endless amount of possibilities ahead of me. It is both scary and exciting.
I didn't get the terribly much done today. I did change my phone number. For some reason it felt really really good to do so. It felt like I was really moving out of my past in some ways, and onto this bright future that feels so right and exactly where I should be even if I am unsure of what that will be, or where my future will take place at yet. It only feels like it can go up from here. I know that it may be bumpy at times, but for some odd reason I even sort of look forward to those bumps.
It is 19 days since I have been in his arms, and 24 more days till I am back in those arms. I miss those arms today....
