And, I did almost smoke today. I really really wanted to and even asked for one from a friend but she never got back to me and now I am eating chocolate and worrying that I had said too much in a three page email that I only meant to be a couple of paragraphs and got out of my control and part of me wishes there was a way I could take it back but I can not. So, I am trying not to have a real anxiety attack and rubbing Jack's belly. Silly damn dog. Always wants his belly rubbed.
I am hoping for the best and praying that I did the right thing. I always doubt myself. I wonder if this is something everyone does of just some of us or just me. I'm not one to think I am the only one who feels anyway or am alone but I do know that sometimes I speak so much from my heart and don't think enough with my head. I think I would get in more trouble if I used my head sometimes, well different trouble anyway. I don't know.
I think I am just scared because I really do love him and it is a wonderful feeling and maybe I am just over thinking it all a bit.
I went back to work today and I think I am going to have a really good semester once I get into the swing of everything again. I sort of enjoy this part of the process. The getting to know my students and realizing what they're strengths and weaknesses are. Watching them grow as writers. I was a bit upset with how many of them wrote essay's about how they wouldn't be voting next year because they didn't know who to vote for or why they should. A few of them did make good arguments for why they weren't going to but still I had a hard time with it. I have been thinking of ways to talk about the issues with them so maybe a few more of them will vote. I should talk to Dr. D about that and maybe he'll have some ideas. Sometimes the problem with teaching writing is that you have to be really well rounded and be able to talk about lots of different subjects and I don't always know if I can do that.
