I sort of just want to go a head and let go. It's just too fucking hard to allow myself to go through all of this again. This is the place I get to with men and I'm kind of over and once again maybe I should just accept that I may be alone. That it's all over for me. There is no great love. Really, that's all shit made up in fairy tales.

I can't though. I want to I really do right now, but it seems like I would be short sighting myself from what could be the happiest time of my life.

Fuck.

If that was true would either of us be questioning it this much?

I'm so sad and I can't even cry.