This morning I just suffer in my own silence because I have no idea how to tell him how it hurt when I hung up the phone last night, how sad I felt that neither of us could just let go and be the first to say "I love you." I was being stubborn and a bit pissy because he was tried. I don't know why I do those things. I think more of it comes out of fear than anything else. I'm scared that when he leaves on Sunday that will be the last time I see him and I know I shouldn't worry about these sot of things yet. That at this point anything is still possible. I love him so much and that fact scares me. It's not fair.

I used to have girlfriends that I would turn to on mornings like this when I felt out of sorts to ask for advice. They've all scattered around now so I stuck with a laptop and the internet for some relief.

The problem here is the computer doesn't take back.

I know that bumps are all par for the course and that really I shouldn't worry so much.