I did it. I told him to either meet me this weekend in Iowa or it's over. It seems like such a waste. I wish we could have just taken a couple steps back and went about everything a little slower. If we hadn't talked about having childern and getting married so soon, then maybe we won't have had to rush everything else. I don't know. I think if we had made plans to see each other again that would have made it easier too.

I've been crying off and on all day. Cried myself to sleep last night. I'm going to miss him so much if he walks away. He's who I tell about my days. I didn't feel as lonely for a while. I hate being so lonely. I hate coming home and knowing that no one is going to be waiting for me, or cares what I've been up too that day.

I wish I could just get used to it. I wish I liked being alone. It would be so much eaiser.