I remembered the password to this damn blog. It only took a year. Why I just didn't ask to have it sent to me I don't know. Maybe I needed some space between me and my words and thoughts, but a year, well, that is a bit long for being away from all of this....
If I had thought anyone would have cared I would have told someone about the strange experience I had while standing in line to cash Pat's bi-monthly child support payments.
Saturday, it was too bitterly cold for me to really want to go out, but after a week without any food and the bill for Sid's summer camp due once again, I forced myself out into the world. Walmart is the only place I can cash Pat's checks and he refuses to have it just put straight into my account. He wants to see me fail. Why is he still so cold hearted towards me? After 15 years, I feel like he should be over it by now.
There was an older black man standing behind me, coughing and on oxygen (and every time I see someone on oxygen it makes me want to quit smoking). I was annoyed by him. He was making these noise I found very unsettling. I had to stop myself from turning around because I was afraid of what I would see, but at some point I did. He was over 6 foot tall and nicely dress, probably around 70, but I really couldn't tell. He could have been much much younger. He starting talking to me and the next thing I knew I was telling him all about all the tax rebates he could still get even though he was on SSI.
The point of this is that man made some sort of impact on me. I felt all his suffering right at that moment. I could tell there was a time he was probably quite a ladies man (it probably helped that he said I was beautiful even though I was a mess with no make and my hair all hidden under my hat. He knew I was a mess but also knew how to say the right things)and that somehow by this time in his life he had ended up alone because that was his path.
What path am I on today? Where am I going?
